my friends: i love it when my boyfriend tells me he loves me
me: i love it when my microwave tells me my food is ready

Girl: I'm having heart surgery today.
Boy: I know.
Girl: I love you!
Boy: I love you more!
*After heart surgery her dad is the only person in the room.*
Girl: Where is he?
Dad: Don't you know who gave you the heart?
Girl: (Starts crying)
Dad: I'm just kidding he went to the bathroom.